I’ve never put much stock in resolutions.
I’ve nothing against them, really, and I’ve made them from time to time, but it is a rather arbitrary decision to turn your life around at the beginning of the year. And all those damn resolution-ers make the gym an absolute ZOO.
This year, resolutions weren’t even really on my mind, until some of my friends brought it up. The first resolutions I thought of were fairly typical: quit my Diet Coke habit, resuscitate my gym habit, get good grades… the usual. But Mama Pea’s post got me thinking, perhaps I didn’t need to change myself, or even my day-to-day habits.
Instead, my New Year’s Resolution is about rediscovering my best self.
At my best, I’m a gregarious, ebullient girl filled with wonder at the world and interest in every single person around me. I like to think they’re interested, too. I’m spontaneous, fun, a little quirky, and a little crazy, but that’s why people love me. While I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself fearless, I’m willing to take risks and have a good time, laughing at myself along the way.
When I’m insecure, I’m at my worst. I question everything, afraid to take any step, wondering what everyone around me thinks. I seclude myself, I fret, I worry. I have an occasionally-debilitating anxiety that takes over my life and my thoughts and prevents me from truly living. Over the past almost-year, I have found myself slipping more and more into this mindset, obsessing over meaningless numbers and getting worked up over trivial matters that rob me of joy and estrange those around me.
In 2011, I want to focus on two things: spontaneity and fearlessness. I want to feel like I’m really living, rather than going through the motions. I want to embrace life with a smile. I want to go back to when things felt just a little simpler.
So here’s to a new year, with new laughs, new hopes, new tears, new dreams…
And most importantly? New life.